India- a cartoon profile

simon — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 23:29:44 +0000

driving- always reckless. everybody expects everybody to be reckless and u-turn in the middle of busy 2-way traffic, expects others to overtake a car overtaking a lorry which in turn is driving a rickshaw into the ditch, whilst a bus hurtles full speed towards us the opposite direction…. they just beep, flash their lights, keep their cool and swerve only when to delay it another second would end their lives abruptly. it gives me quite a kick really. walking next to roads is another issue. you can either walk on the sewer (some of which has semi-intact flagstones over it), in the mud, or on the road. Doing the latter, I have concluded, is the best option. The only way to do it is to invoke a state of zen-like calm and wear mental ear plugs so that you do not jump when every vehicle inevitable beeps several times and only swerve at the last minute.

buses- bad bosses of the road. bigger, faster and higher clearance for those potholed highways. brain-juddering, spine-jarring, shoulder-bruising suspension. very cheap and faster than the train. run at the same speed as the bus and get a firm hold of the bars either side of the steps if you wish to get on. getting off, just jump and run or roll.

trains- constipated caterpillars. long, slow, hot, crowded. made more pleasant by chai-wallahs and coffee-wallahs and nut-sellers etc. crowding in and outside the carriages at the long unannounced stops in remote train stations for no apparent reason (until 2 hours later another train which we were waiting for passes). good for meeting people and seeing the countryside if you get a window
seat, or a seat at all.

doctors- gods. junior doctors- either know lots or, more commonly, paid Rs.250,000 for their degree and, scarily, know far less than I do. nurses- minions. very knowledgeable, very well trained, very obedient. act like they are not worthy to walk on the same ground as (even the thick rich) doctors. are extremely skilled- do venous cannulation (albeit brutally), gastric suctioning, etc.
ward rounds- big, fast, confusing. 20+ patients in each ward (one room). doctors may do 3 or more wards. doctors may get a history, may examine for PICCLE (which is always written as PICCLE in the notes. I think it means the most common signs.. Pupils, Icterus etc.). May do neither, or, rarely, both. Mostly they only examine the systems with positive findings- how they do this I have no idea. If they know which systems have positive findings, can’t they just miss the examination out? Maybe it is just that everybody has physical signs- its the only way to get into hospital really.

food- delicious and cheap. possibly my favourite thing all together in India. chai, too, with the compulsory 50% sugar by volume has become an essential part of my life.

girls- beautiful and shy. bring food and drink unbidden- Good. do not talk unless addressed directly, and even so, more often giggle and run away- Bad. mostly probably for fear of gossip ruining their reputation and hence their marryability and future.

Stories from India

simon — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 16:51:22 +0000

Departure

After a VERY relaxing week in Oxford (floating/punting down the river getting
off at riverside pubs only when feeling particularly energetic) and london
(erm… pubs by the river too) I am ready to fly off tomorrow (saturday)
morning at 10ish. Haven’t got any currency yet, maybe i’ll get some in the
airport or something. Apparently I might be picked up in Cochin by someone. I
don’t have their contact details so all i can do is hope. But then i’ll be
disappointed if its all too easy!

Anyway gotta go for lunch now.

Love
Simon

tallsimon.com» Travel

India- a cartoon profile

Stories from India